movement.
im through waiting for answers. im through waiting for people to realize things need to move and im sick of feeling sorry for myself. u can ask anyone. im the most least selfish person you will ever meet. and i feel like im due for a little selfishness. from now on my focus is on me. fixing whatever i got going on in my head. body and mind are all i have time for anymore. im sick of feeling gross. im through with the depression thats plauged me for these past 2 years. my ritual was to throw a fake smile up, go off to my half assed job, eat way to much and pass out at extreme hours of the morning. ive sat here and watched as people i wanted to care for me took me for granted and went along with their own business regardless of mine. maybe i should do the same. i plan on going back to school in january and accumilating some more credit, while working a full time job. my ulimate goal is to tour next summer. i have a year to get some money together and get enough material ready to play an east coast tour. wether its with guns or lc4h isnt up to me anymore. i put every ounce of effort i have into both projects. nothing more can be expected of me. wether or not either band picks up is up to the people i surround myself with. it goes like this. . the train leaves next summer and whoever is ready to leave by then is totally up to them. if touring doesnt work or isnt truely for me i plan on going away and attending bloomsburg next september. win win situation. tour is a sucess and i plant seeds to a growing career or i go to school and create that career myself. im through waiting. job search, fitness and musical exploration are expected asap. let me assure you, this isnt a cut against anyone. im just sick of being completly overtaken with uneccisary sadness that can easily be fixable. this will not be easy and im not expecting any help. this is the start of something better and something new. this is me taking control of my life and not letting depression have control of the wheel. i love all of you. live your dreams. theres no use battleing in your head cause the righht choices were there all along. i believe the people who care will understand all that has been said and will back me up. anyone who thinks bettering me for the sake of me is a poor desicion, ive waited more then long enough for your help. maybe its time you help yourself to the door.
peace.love.tunes
My band(s)
Band practice today. I am currently in 2 bands. Last call for heroes (posthardcore) and the guns of august (acoustic) . There is nothing I love more on this planet more then music. Last call hasn’t played in over 2 years. I’ve been feeling that something has been missing lately. Once last call started playing again I realized what I need to do with my life. Maybe my other band doesn’t get it. Maybe I don’t even get it. I just know that when we started playing again some kind of life in me light up. Music is suppose to be fun. It hasn’t been for a while. Now that lc4h is playing again im feeling the fun I used to have.
Everyone check out last call for heroes and the guns of august
L.o.v.e
I am realizing that through all the tears for these 2 years all the selfhate all the insomnia. All the notes and words that have spilled. All I need is love. All I need is that embrace. At the end if the day after the sky has fallen and the ground has been swept from underneath. Knowing I have that net. That embrace. I start my journey. To find this myth. This youthful pond. This craving I have been pulled from
